beginnings.

i feel like i've been traveling for a week straight. uhh...i guess i have, actually. after finishing our work in essaouira and marrakech, we headed back to casablanca to catch a flight out of africa. this meant two very LONG very HOT bus rides through the moroccan desert, and another sweaty taxi ride to the airport. we flew to istanbul, turkey last thursday night, rejoiced at the sight of starbucks in the airport, and hopped a late flight to tel aviv, israel later that night. we were officially on "debrief," which is a little like vacation, with a focus on looking back over the past few months to reflect on the things our Father has taught us.

where to begin? i have learned so much. this trip was one of the most challenging things i have ever done. and the most amazing. i have constantly been in uncomfortable situations, called to put my own desires aside. i have seen poverty. real, living, disgusting, heart-wrenching, poverty. i have seen people living in deep darkness, and others living so absorbed by the light that the heaviness of their surroundings seems not to touch them. i have cried, i have laughed, i have sweated consistently for the past month, i've gone weeks without a shower, eaten rice again and again until i would rather eat dirt, worshipped with true followers, found joy in the simple things, made close friends, experienced glimpses of God's glory, and had a taste of true intimacy with Him.

the best part of all of this is: it's NOT OVER. i have come to realize that we have a massive choice to make in this life: to live for ourselves, or to live for our Savior. one or the other. i've already tried life down the former road. it leads to emptiness, dissatisfaction, darkness and separation from the Giver of Life. the narrow road is a hard one, mostly because it goes against everything the world teaches us. it consists of sacrifice. gritty, aggravating, painful sacrifice. but it is the only way to find true joy. among the many things He's been teaching me, this is what stands out the most:

"If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it. What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?" Matt 16:24-26

whoever loses his life for me will find it.

i don't want to live a life continuously grasping to save myself. i want to live in reckless abandon for the One who has created, loved, saved and forgiven me. i must die to my old self, so that i may take hold of the righteousness that the Father offers. i want to listen and hear His voice. i want to follow where He leads. this may be the end of my dts, but it is just the beginning of the rest of my life with Him.

i am currently sitting in my hotel room in the middle of the old city of jerusalem. a 5-minute walk from the wailing wall and the famous dome of the rock. david's city. zion. God's holy land. the place where He chose to touch the earth. i still can't get my head around it. but i've only been here one day and i'm already blown away. He is good.