contentment.

i've been home for about 3 weeks. the title of this blog is finally accurate... i have circled the globe! i realize since arriving i've been rather uncommunicative with the outside world, but getting readjusted has felt like a full-time job. which is kind of funny, since my goal these past few weeks has been to find actual, PAYING full-time work. 


i was nervous about returning to grand rapids. for one, it's cold here. secondly, i wasn't sure how well i would be able to adapt to life back home. traveling the way i have--for as long as i did--changes the way you see things...the way you want to be. this past year changed me. rather, God used experiences and people to aid the change He wanted to make in me. as our dts was fond of saying, i've been ruined for the ordinary. and i have always seen life in michigan as ordinary. i planned on coming back here...and leaving again. there's only one good reason for giving up an already-paid-for ticket to new zealand: the will of the Father. 


and that's what i've been scared of. that i might one day have to admit that my plans aren't always...the best. that sometimes what i think i want isn't going to get me where i really want to go. since college, that's been the main question: where is it that i want to go? straight to the top, katie couric-style? straight to the home, martha stewart-style? no. and NO. then God took me on this crazy adventure, jim eliot-style, and i've finally decided where i want to go: wherever jesus takes me.


sometimes i think i know what this should look like. i mean, jesus spent his time on earth exemplifying life to the full, and he was a poor, homeless traveler who lived to serve others. he urged his disciples to leave their old lives behind--including their homes and families--in order to follow him. "whoever loses his life for me will find it," matt 16:25. this is what i want! so, i often have the urge to wander. but recently, God has been reminding me to ask him what's next, instead of assuming i know. i look to scripture. i ask questions. i seek advice from people i know to have a close relationship with the Living Savior. and i talk to my God.


i've been asking for direction. open doors. guidance. peace. understanding. an obvious path to follow. and now i'm here. in grand rapids. a place i expected to be in and out of in a flash. and God's been throwing doors open. i wasn't looking for this pathway, but here it is, laid out in front of me. the dreams jesus has put on my heart seem near enough to touch. really, God? i wasn't looking for that here. but, like i said, my plans aren't always...the best.


so i'm praying for more faith. i'm praying for the ability to fully trust my future to the loving grasp of the Father. i'm still not exactly sure what's next, but for now, it's looking like some job interviews, and an attempt to embrace my life and relationships right where i am: HERE, in grand rapids, michigan.


if you happen to be someone in my life who is NOT in michigan, know this: my heart breaks at the thought of being far from you. saying "yes" to one path is inevitably saying "no" to a thousand others. i struggle with this every day, because relationships are so important to me. but don't worry, i'm a born traveler, so i'll be coming your way soon...no matter how far apart we are at the moment.